Pam’s Story

Pam Nagel

Bowman

Cancer – a very powerful word, a very frightening word.

In October of 2006 this word became a very real part of my life.

The fear associated with cancer had been a part of my life for a long time. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 77 years old and died of pancreatic cancer two years later. There are instances of breast cancer on both sides of my family, so I lived with the belief that it was “when,” not “if” I would receive a cancer diagnosis. My fear was increased by the fact that my breasts contained many cysts and calcifications, so my life for several years had contained frequent reports of “there is something there that needs to be closely watched, “resulting in mammograms every six months plus sonograms. Each check which proved negative was followed by emotional highs and great relief.

But when I went in for my yearly physical in October of 2006, one look at Beth’s (my Nurse Practitioner) face told me that there would be no feeling of great relief this time. This certainly was confirmed when, following my mammogram, Dr. Kristy told me that there was definitely something there, and wanted to do a biopsy. He also said that if the results came back negative, he would do a second one. Not a lot of room for hope in those words.

A few days later the results came back. They were not a surprise or the miracle that I had been hoping and praying for. I had become a cancer victim.

Sharing the news of my diagnosis was very difficult-mostly I think because once I actually said the words I could no longer deny the reality of the situation. But this sharing was also very healing. Gary was by my side from the moment when I answered “not very well” to his casual question of “So, how did your check-up go?” And he strongly stayed there through every step of the process. My kids were great – so loving and supportive. I very much hated having to frighten them, so telling them was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do, but their support helped give me the strengths to move forward. I can’t say enough positive things about the administration, fellow staff members, and support staff at Bowman County schools. I waited until after my classes were done for the day to write the pink note sharing my news. My plan was to hit the send button and then quickly leave the building. But before I could carry out that plan, my computer started blinking like the lights on a pin-ball machine with replies offering prayers, support, and any help that I needed. Then the parade of people arrived in my room with love and hugs. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you so much.

My students, their parents, local church groups, and the entire community stood by me in the same way. For the first time I truly understood the unbelievable power of multiple prayers. Because the “cancer fear” that I had experienced for much of my life suddenly lost its power over me. I had dreaded the nights the most. I had a better chance during the day of staying busy enough to keep from dwelling on the negative, but the nights left me vulnerable. I soon discovered that only a few words of prayer were needed to bring me peace and confidence. I felt not only Christ’s love, but also the love of all the people who were praying for me. I was confident almost from the beginning that the cancer would not win.

Other women who had experienced breast cancer became my lifelines. They told me not to worry too much about the many and seemingly impossible decisions that I had to make regarding my treatment options – that I would just know what was right for me. And unbelievably that did happen. I decided that I would have a mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy and that I would then have reconstructive surgery. Once the decision was made I was very comfortable with it. If you or someone you love is ever in this position, the best advice I can give is to ask lots of questions and take some time to make a decision. That time aspect was hard for me. I wanted the situation taken care of “right now” – but it takes a while for the mind to overcome the emotion and to think clearly.

Largely because of efforts like the “Walk for Cancer,” unbelievable medical advances in the field of cancer research have occurred. When I was diagnosed, my tumor was three centimeters – which automatically put me at a stage two along with the certainty of facing chemotherapy, even thought I received the wonderful news that all of my nodes and surrounding tissue were clear. But then my oncologist told me about a new test – oncotype DX – which is an additional tool in the evaluation of breast cancer reoccurrence. This test is done on actual tissue from the tumor and quantifies the likelihood of breast cancer recurrence for individual patients with early stage disease. It is a complex test currently performed only by Genomic Health at a specialized lab in Redwood City, CA. Since the test was considered experimental, not all insurance companies would cover the cost. My provider, Blue Cross Blue Shield, initially denied the claim, but upon appeal paid a large proportion. When my results came back, I was in the low (5%) category, and in this group chemotherapy has not been proven to reduce the reoccurrence risk, so I decided not to undergo chemo treatments. It is now suspected that many women unnecessarily go though this treatment. If my diagnosis would have occurred even a few months earlier, I would have been one of those women.

If I would have chosen the lumpectomy option, a new treatment called Mammosite Radiation Therapy reduces radiation treatment time from six weeks to just five days by delivering radiation internally via a catheter. We ARE winning this battle!

Through my cancer experience, I learned many things. I was reminded of the wonder and beauty of life and to appreciate each moment. I learned the power and strength that I am given on a daily basis by my family, friends, and community. But maybe most importantly I discovered my own strength. I will never again surrender to fear. I am now confident that I can face whatever life has in store for me.

Once the shock of my diagnosis wore off and I was once again in control, I gave cancer two years to take its best shot. I promised myself that by October of 2008, I would have my life back. I am very happy to share with you that I was ahead of schedule. I did not have to undergo either chemo or radiation treatments. My visits to my oncologist continued to show that all is well, and I completed the third and final stage of my reconstructive surgery in October of 2008.

When Judy Sabe came to me in August of 2008 and told me that the Bowman Honor Society wished to give me part of the profit from their daffodil sales, my first thoughts were “How nice of them, but why me? They always pick someone who is fighting cancer.” I remembered in time to recover and hopefully not make a total fool of myself. But it was at that moment that I realized that I had won. I am a cancer survivor.

Pam Nagel of Bowman gave this speech at

the 2008 “Relay for Life” breast cancer awareness walk in Bowman.

11/12/2009